Facing
Death
("Looking
into the tomb")
Author's
own personal in-hospital
"Death-Note"
(Part one:
Hand-written note by Dr. John Todd, the author of this
website.... while he was a patient in the hospital, in
1993.... for coronary by-pass, aggravated by multiple
complications.)
THEN, there are additional remarks about
subsequent health problems, in 2006 and 2007.
THEN, dated "Progress Notes", with links just
below.... concerning recent health "developments".
Selected
from the on-going INTERNET BOOK, "The Doctor's
Terrific Tablets"
(
http://www.terrific-tabs.com
)
by John
N. Todd III, M. D.
(link)
The web-link to this
"tablet" is: http://www.terrific-tabs.com/print_death_note.htm
To send a "live" link to a friend, copy and paste
this web-link in an email message.
|
See related
"tablet": SUICIDE
-- Physician-assisted SUICIDE
(link)
and:
The
Doctor's Autothanatography
(link)
and: MORTALNESS
-- ALL of us are born ALIVE... and born to
DIE
(link)
and: PRAYER
for a friend -- Bob
Tanner
(link)
and:
It
is NOT for this life only
(link)
and:
EUTHANASIA
for turtles, horses, dogs... and
HUMANS
(link)
CLICK HERE
for June
2006, January 2007, and 2/9/07 "progress
notes"
(link)
AND:
Progress
note 3/27/07
(link)
AND:
Progress
Note 4/9/07
(link);
PROGRESS
Note 4/19/07
(link)
Progress
Note 5/10/07 and 5/12/07
(link)
Progress
note 6/7/07
(link)
Progress
Note 7/22/07
(link)
Progress
Note 8/29/07
(link)
Progress
Note 9/21/07
(link)
Progress
Note 10/7/07
(link)
Progress
Note 11/9/07
(link)
Progress
Note 12/5/07
(link)
"Doctored": 1/01; 8/01; 12/01; 2/02; 5/02; 6/02; 9/02;
10/02; 3/03; 8/03; 11/03; 3/04; 6/04; 7/04; 8/04; 9/04;
1/05; 4/05; 10/05; 6/06; 12/06; 1/07; 2/07; 3/07; 4/07;
5/11/07; 5/20/07; 6/7/07; 6/11/07; 6/19/07; 7/22/07; 8/07;
9/07; 10/7/07; 11/9/07; 12/5/07
CLICK
HERE to go to the "FRONT
PAGE"
of "The
Doctor's Terrific Tablets"
CLICK
HERE for ALPHABETICAL
INDEX of
this entire
WEBSITE
CLICK
HERE to EMAIL
your thoughts to the author
The first part of
this composition is an email letter of 8/18/99, from
"Bob" -- a good friend, and a former patient of Dr. John
Todd (the author of this entire website). (Bob -- a talented
attorney -- died in 2000, at age 52, from metastatic
carcinoma of the colon.)
Following Bob's letter, Dr. Todd's reply to Bob's letter is
shown.... including the attachment of a
self-explanatory in-hospital
"death-note", by Dr. Todd.... composed and distributed by
Dr. Todd to his own family and friends and ministers and
physicians -- after a nearly-fatal heart operation. in
1993.
8/18/99 -- an
email letter from Bob T. to Dr. John Todd. This email
was written while Bob T. was a patient in M. D. Anderson
Hospital, in Houston, Texas:
Dear John,
I need to again
prevail on our friendship in the near future. After I've
returned from MD Anderson, I would like to offer to buy you
a cup of coffee, and talk through my situation with you.
I'm out past where today's proven treatment methods end, and
into the experimental area. While I feel good about how I've
managed my cancer and health to this point, I want to be
very careful to keep the proper balance going forward. And
at this point, as you would well know, it is very easy to
lose your perspective and balance.
It goes without saying that I value your opinion -- and your
friendship even more. I won't burden you with my troubles,
but if you feel up to it, I would like to keep you in the
loop for solid, objective advice. As you know, I may not
always take it, but I always listen to what you have to say,
very carefully!
My guess is that I'll be back in a couple of weeks.
Hope this finds the Todd's in good order. I hope to see you
at some of this Fall's arts events. We seem to meet there
more than any other place. Which, I should hasten to add, is
not a bad thing to have said about either of us.
Bob
Dr.
Todd's reply to Bob; 8-18-99, with attached "author's
death-note" of 1993
Dear Bob,
I was truly glad to hear from you today. I have wanted to
communicate with you, but I was following your
"instructions" in your 8-4-99 "group-email", in which you
said that you would prefer that the recipients "avoid an
email or telephone response". (Incidentally, I made the same
request when I was in the hospital for two weeks, in 1993,
for coronary bypass operation -- so I understand how you
feel -- about cards, letters, flowers, pats-on-the-head,
etc.)
Of course, Bob, I am available to "consult" with you, at any
time. Just say the time, and the place.
Bob, when I was in the hospital in 1993, my coronary-bypass
operation was complicated by pulmonary embolism (clot to the
lungs), congestive heart failure; severe anemia from
blood-loss; serious cardiac arrhythmias; paralyzed
diaphragm; hypoxia (low arterial oxygen), etc. My heart was
beating at 160 beats-per-minute.... and I was fighting for
breath. I barely had the strength to stand up.
During that bleak time, in the hospital, I personally
composed a hand-written note, on a "yellow-pad"; and I had
my wife take photocopies of the letter to the surgeons; to
Dr. Hill (cardiologist); to the hospital office; and to my
"preacher". My wife also copied the letter, and sent copies
to our four children.
I thought you might like to see what I said, in that note,
at that time, when I considered my life to be near its
end..... when I was "looking into the tomb". So, I'll "copy
and paste" (below) the exact words from my original,
hand-written, yellow-pad "death-note".
Bob, we humans do not know what God has in
store for us, in this life -- or in the life-to-come. We do
not know when the "end" is coming.... or
"how". I have a strong feeling that
God's plan, for each of His people, is "laid-out"
by God, in advance. I don't know what's ahead for me,
or for you. It's all in God's "book".
So, here (below the next paragraph) is my "hospital"
note:
(The following is a verbatim COPY of the hand-written
note, which Dr. Todd composed while he himself was a
patient in the hospital (11-22-93), a few days after
coronary artery bypass operation. The note was written as an
urgent plea by the author..... and concerns his passionate
request that no NEEDLESS and FUTILE
treatment be administered to him.... since numerous
life-threatening post-operative complications had developed
after his bypass operation.
Page one;
11-22-M-93; (starting time 1:28 PM)
I am writing this
of my own free will. I have not discussed this with
anyone.
This document is for my wife, my mother, my children, and my
brother -- and also for DCH, the doctors, and the nurses who
have responsibility for my care.
I do not fear death -- at all -- in any way. What I fear --
and dread -- is useless and purposeless
life.
I herewith absolve DCH Medical Center, my nurses, and
doctors from all blame and liability for the outcome of my
treatment, should there be a "negative" outcome. I
direct that no claims be made against
anyone for any "liability"..... unless someone should be
responsible for senselessly and thoughtlessly
prolonging my "life".
Hand-written page 2 (start 1:45 PM); 11-22-M-93)
Parenthetically, I must state, here, what all people who
know me and who are close to me already know: no
one -- no human creature -- has ever been more
greatly blessed than I. A long and healthy life,
splendid childhood, great parents, top-quality brother,
world's best wife (a pure
gift from God, especially designed by
God, for me); 4 of the handsomest, smartest, most loyal and
proper children ever made; every imaginable material
blessing; financial wealth beyond hopes; and on and on
(including 4 gorgeous grandchildren)..... and to cap
all that, 2 tough and successful
sons-in-law.
I have no interest in clinging to an
existence that says: "Where there is 'life', there is
hope."
"Life" is living, and breathing, and laughing, and teasing,
and working, and thinking, and sharing..... and
loving those whom God has put into your real
life.
(Hand-written Page 3 starts within this paragraph; 2:10
PM )
"Withering on the vine" is a hell-on-earth. (Hopefully, God
will spare me that indignity.)
Here is my strongest spiritual belief -- from Psalm 127.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in
vain that build it. Unless the Lord keeps the city,
the watchmen waketh but in vain."
And, add, from Job 42: 2 "The plans and purposes of God
cannot be thwarted by man."
(Signed) John N. Todd III
11-22-M-93; 2:38
PM
Notarized by
Brenda Truelove,
DCH Regional Medical Center
Bob, I'll be seeing you, soon.
JNT
"Progress
notes",
concerning
new health concerns of Dr. Todd....
6/1/06.... Midnight....
Once again, Dr. Todd.... the author of this website.... is
contemplating suicide.... because of multiple symptoms,
which make life almost unbearable.
Dr. Todd was discharged from the hospital
today, two days after emergency admission.... for
chest-pain, and atrial flutter-fibrillation. Coronary
angioplasty was done yesterday (5/31/06), and a single
"stent" was inserted into one of the three previously (1993)
inserted venous bypass grafts.
At yesterday's angioplasty, two native coronary arteries
were found to be partially obstructed. Dr. Hill was unable
to dilate or "stent" these two arteries. (Before the
angioplasty, yesterday, I refused to give
authorization to Dr. Hill for consideration of any
"open-heart" surgical procedure. I refused to consider
surgical consultation, and I rejected any further surgical
"whittling" on my body. My wife (PJT) co-signed my
restricted authorization for angioplasty.... and we obtained
photocopies of our signed authorization.
New medications have been initiated, by Dr. Hill
(cardiologist). These medications, for the cardiac rhythm
problem, and for the post-angioplasty recovery period....
have generated malaise, and anorexia, and weakness.
In addition to the cardiac problems, I have suffered, for
three or four years, with various aches and pains....
especially in the left leg and knee, and recurrently in the
back. My long-standing jogging program has become markedly
restricted.
In adddition, mild symptoms of prostatism have developed
recently.... possibly a manifestation of carcinoma of the
prostate.
I have spoken to God.... and have requested that God stay
with me.... and that I be allowed to stay with Him.
Obviously, I will go where I am taken.... by my Creator.
Signed.... John N. Todd III
1/20/07; 1:00
AM
Progress
note....
On October 27, 2006, I suffered a fall from a curb in a
"McDonalds" parking-lot. In that fall, I rotated by body, as
I hit the pavement. I landed on my left hip, and suffered a
good bit of immediate hip-pain. I got-up, with help; got
into our car; and came home.... with the ever-present
assistance of PJT (Phyllis J. Todd).... my dear wife, and
nurse (RN), and comrade, and friend. When I arrived at home,
and hobbled into the house, it became evident that I had
suffered more that a simple bruise. There was severe pain in
the hip-area.... especially with attempted
weight-bearing.
There was no other injury related to the fall.
That night, after the fall, and injury.... I chose
not to go to the hospital "emergency-room", to (thus)
begin a long batch of tests and "procedures" ("whittling")
on my body.
I stayed in bed, at home, for a day or two. Then, with the
help of a walker, I began to hobble-around the house. Within
a few days, I became able to hobble to the dinner-table, and
to the bathroom. I was soon able to get in-and-out of our
car, for rides accompanying my wife, on her errands.
In the middle of December 2006, I went to see my orthopedic
specialist, Dr. Buckley. (I previously saw him in November
2003.) Dr. Buckley obtained the usual x-rays of hip, knees,
and pelvis. It was discovered that I had indeed suffered a
fracture of the left hip, in an area of some type of
pathlogic process in the surrounding bone.... presumably
primary or metastatic carcinoma of the bone.
Dr. Buckley made all of the proper recommendations to me
(and my wife) concerning biopsies, various MRI's,
operations, chemotherapy.... etc. I explained to Dr. Buckley
that I was not willing to undergo all of those procedures,
at my age (78).... procedures which almost certainly would
not prolong my existence, or my ability to
function.
With my wife's agreement, I opted for no additional
evaluation or treatment of the underlying pathological
process.
Soon after my injury, I had several day-long episodes of
atrial fibrillation, associated with anginal chest pain. I
took Digoxin for a few days, with each of those episodes. My
cardiac rhythm "converted" to normal, quickly, with this
therapy.
One night, in November, at midnight, in bed, I had an
episode of severe chest pain.... lasting 70 minutes....
associated with sweating, and vomiting. Again, I opted for
no hospitalization. The chest pain finally subsided. Since
that episode of what was most likely to have been a
myocardial infarction, I have been free of anginal chest
pain.... except after meals, while hobbling-around on my
walker.
Strangely (or miraculously), the pain in my left hip and
left quadriceps, largely faded-away. I still use the walker,
and I bear very little weight on the left leg. But,
amazingly, I have almost no pain in the leg. I am able to
climb steps cautiously, by hanging-on to banisters. I no
longer have bachache.
I have no pain at night. I take no pain
medications. My only medications are
Propranolol for the ASHD; and Lasix (for
moderate bilateral dependent edema of both legs and feet);
and Altace, 5mg. daily, for its "ACE-inhibiting"
effect on salt and water retention. About 3 months ago, I
stopped the warfarin that I had been taking for 13 years....
and I discontinued my lipid-control medication, Vytorin.
As of this date, I feel reasonably good. My "psychological"
outlook is good. I enjoy my various computer-activities. I
have a good appetite. No intestinal or bowel complaints. No
urinary symptoms, except nocturia two or three times
nightly.
I continue to hope and pray that my "terminal event" will be
swift and easy.... but, obviously, there is no way to
predict.
My wife and I are grateful to have been given "extra days"
to prepare for the inevitable day. We have thanked Almighty
God, over and over, for the time we have been allowed to be
together.... now slightly more than 50 years (married for 47
years). We are especially grateful to have been extra given
time, recently, to prepare for the moment when PJT will have
to begin to "carry-on", alone.
Suicide will not be contemplated for now.... but will come
back into consideration if the manifestations of disease
bring-about unbearable symptoms.
John N. Todd III
Progress
note; 2/9/07....
A letter to
Sentry Life Insurance, concerning my "disability".
Sentry Life has been paying a small monthly
"disabilibty" payment to me, for several years.
Sentry Life
Insurance
Stevens
Point, WI
2/9/07
Attention: Ms. Jane
G.
Dear Ms.
G.
I apologize for being
a "bit" late in reply to your inquiry about my health and
disability status.
My last scheduled
appointment with Dr. William Hill (cardiologist) was
November 1, 2006. I was unable to get to the doctor on that
date, because of a fall that I sustained on October 27,
2006. In that fall I injured my left hip, and I developed
persistent intense discomfort in the hip and leg. I had to
begin to use a walker, in order to hobble-around in my own
house. I did not seek immediate orthopedic consultation,
because, at my age (soon 79), I did not wish to begin going
from doctor to doctor, for a series of tests, MRI's,
biopsies, operations, chemotherapy, etc.
Finally, on November
28, 2006, I saw Dr. John Buckley, orthopedist, in
Tuscaloosa, Alabama. After various x-rays in his office, I
was given the bad news that I had suffered a "pathologic"
fracture of the neck of the femur. The precise nature of the
pathology underlying the fracture could not be specified
without various tests and biopsies (as mentioned above). I
discussed my situation with Dr. Buckley. Naturally, he
recommended (properly) all of the usual procedures already
mentioned.
I, in the company of
my wife, told Dr. Buckley that I was not willing to begin a
batch of useless procedures and surgical "whittling" that
had very little chance of prolonging my "life". (I had
enough surgical whittling in 1993, at the time of my
complicated coronary bypass operation.)
I told Dr. Buckley
that I chose to accept early-death, rather than suffering
all of the temporary, stop-gap mechanisms that are widely
used, today, in the medical profession. (As a physician, I
am very familiar with the torturous mechanisms that are
used, currently, to agonizingly prolong..... not fuctional
and useful life.... but to prolong suffering.)
As for the question
on the Sentry form asking for a "brief description of my
current medical status", it goes without saying that I am
not doing well. I was hospitalized in May 2006, for atrial
fibrillation associated with angina pectoris. Dr. Hill did
coronary arteriograms, A stent was put into one of the three
previously "installed" venous bypass grafts. I have had
several additional episodes of atrial fibrillation.... now
under control, recently.
My hip problem
continues. I am able to be up-and-about, using a walker. I
have very little pain now.... unless I try to bear weight on
the left leg. I sleep well. I take no pain medications. I
take Inderal; Lasix for dependent ankle-edema, and Altace 5
mg/ a day. I took digoxin when I had the atrial
fibrillation.
My home care is in
the hands of God..... and in the hands of my understanding
wife (who is a Registered Nurse). (We have been married for
47 years..... so, by now, we know each other
pretty-well,)
Thanks for your
inquiry. I wish I could have filled-out the "short-form"....
but I felt that I should explain a few things, more
fully.
It seems that I will
not be receiving "disability"payments for very much
longer.... but my wife wil be collecting "life-insurance"
payments. (Smile, grin.)
Yours
truly,
John N. Todd III, M.
D.
Progress
note... 3/27/07
Today in the fifth "monthiversary" of my fall (October 27,
2006).... with resultant injury to the left hip.
Even though I have been found to have an underlying
"pathologic" process in the hip and pelvis, I am doing quite
well.
I have almost no pain.... unless I inadvertently bear too
much weight on the left leg. I am able to "get around" with
the help of crutches, or a walker.
My wife and I are up-and-out, in the car, every day. Our
three-year-old canine companion, Pearl, (a remarkable female
Sheltie) goes everywhere, with us.
I take no pain medications, or "nerve pills"... or
sleeping pills.
In fact, my only medications are propranolol twice a day, an
aspirin every-other-day, and an "iron table", once a day. I
take a 40 mg. Lasix tablet, during the day, some days....
because of edema in the feet and lower legs. I relate this
edema to inactivity, and to persistent dependent postural
positioning of the feet and legs. (Also, of course, my
entire right superficial femoral vein was stripped-out in
1995, when I had the coronary by-pass operation. That fact,
too, is a part of the edema problem.)
I have not had exertional angina for about three
weeks. I have not had atrial fibrillation, for
several weeks. I am moderately dyspneic on exertion....
probably related to inactivity.... and possibly to mild
cardiac decompensation.)
Psychologically, I am getting-along quite well. I read a
good bit. I keep up with the news; and I spend some time on
the computer.... following and managing our financial
assets.... plus, of course, editing and "doctoring" my
website.
My hope is that I will be allowed, by God, to leave this
world.... soon. I have "withered" enough, in my opinion.
Suicide remains on my list of
considerations.... if "things" get too bad. (See my recently
published writing concerning Euthanasia
for horses, dogs, and humans
(link).
I remember that I am, literally, the "world's most richly
blessed human". What a marvelous journey was Divinely
laid-out, for me. What blessings, from "above". And.... at
the top of the list of the blessings.... Phyllis J. Todd....
the best thing that ever happened to me.... the best thing
that God ever granted to me.
4/9/07
This is a copy (slightly "doctored") of a "progress note"
for PJT (the author's wife) to have "available", if needed.
(She has the original of this hand-written
"progress-note" in her possession.)
This is not a "suicide-note".
Call it a "pre-suicide" note -- just in case this note
should be needed, later, for "legal" purposes… in the
event that "life" (as it is for me now)… should
deteriorate additionally.
A sudden decision for suicide could develop quickly --
sudden stroke, CHF, hypoxia and smothering with pulmonary
embolism, bone pain, etc.
My wife and I have discussed this situation several
times.
She has adapted herself to "releasing" me, because of her
deep and honest love for me -- and because of her innate
mercy and compassion.
She and I feel (believe, think, hope) that we will be
together, forever... somewhere... after this existence here
on earth.
To PJT --
1. " You're the best thing that ever happened to me".
2. I'll never stop loving you.
3. I want us to be together in heaven.
4. You're my "Sparrow".... and my "Pearl of great
worth".
5. From Job: "The plan and purposes of God cannot be
thwarted by man".
Signed.... John N. Todd III
4-9-07.... 10:30 p.m.
4/19/07
(10:00 PM) Progress note
I am "doing pretty well".
My constant nurse (and wife and cohort).... PJT.... remains
my main solace, and my comforter. We have discussed again my
unwillingness to be "shipped" to the hospital for
terminal "care" and treatment, if a dramatic decline in my
condition should develop. I am certain that my wife will
abide by my wishes. My "living-will" has been clearly
stated.... and my wife has been legally granted "durable
power of attorney" (with the advice and help of an attorney,
Sydney Cook).
I am having no pain. No hip or leg discomfort (blessedly).
No backache. No nocturnal pain, anywhere.
No anginal chest pain.
I am sleeping fairly well. I take an occasional Lunesta
(makes me feel bad); and I have tried an Ambien tablet. Not
tolerated.
Inderal, Altace, and aspirin are the only regular medicines.
I take an occasion Lasix tablet for the edema.
Mild to moderate dyspnea-on-exertion continues. Ankle edema
persists.... due to multiple factors -- inactivity (absence
of "peripheral heart"); dependency (dangling of the legs
with sitting and standing); cardiac factors; and possibly
due to obstructive venous return from the legs (related to
the basic bone disease in the hip and pelvis).
Intestinal and urinary function are satisfactory.
Cerebral function seems to be good (in my own opinion).
I am ready to "move-on" to the "next level" of existence....
whenever the Creator will allow it.
REMEMBER my frequently-stated mantra, about
myself -- "No human-being has ever been more richly blessed
than I."
John
Todd
Progress
Note:
5/10/07 and 5/12/07; minor revision 5/20/07
About the same.... say, "unchanged".
Still, no pain.... anywhere. What a blessing!
My medications are the same, as shown above. No
pain medications. I increased Lasix to one
tablet, every morning, for the edema.
I am still on the "walker", in the house.... and on
crutches, outside.
My wife, Phyllis. continues to be the loving and caring and
tolerant mainstay of my worldly existence.... second only to
God Himself. Our Sheltie ("Pearl"), a 4-year old female
canine-creation, is a marvel and a miracle.... and so
encouraging to us.... energetic, enthusiastic. jovial....
and true-fun.
My wife and I and Pearl ride in the car, every day, to the
beautiful nearby VA Hospital campus.... for Phyllis's and
Pearl's exercise.... and for my sunning and reading and
"meditating".
PJT and I continue to maintain close scrutiny over our
investments.... including stocks, rental-property, precious
metals, and household assets. Through the years, she and I
have regularly managed all of our investments,
personally. For the last several months, we have been
getting a lot of much-needed help, on our 14 pieces
of rental property.... time-consuming help and
work that have been voluntarily proffered by
our older daughter, and her husband.
Psychologically, I am fine. Yes.... "Though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death (as all living creatures
do), I fear no evil.... for He is with me." The thought of
death, at my age, is not a fear or dread.... but a
comfort.... especially after the marvelous life I was
allowed to live and enjoy for more than 78 years. ( LORD, a
quick-and-easy terminal departure from this life will be
greatly appreciated [smile].)
I do not go to any physician.... no doctor since seeing the
orthopedist, in December 2006. (It is said that "If a doctor
treats himself.... he has a fool for a doctor". (I do
not doubt the truth of that statement.)
No angina. No cardiac rhythm disturbance.... except
occasional premature beats. No more atrial fibrillation.
Moderate exertional dyspnea continues.... probably cardiac
in origin.
Ankle and lower-leg edema continues.... slowly increasing.
All of the factors listed (in the note above) are doubtless
at play.... all "summating" with a tough therepeutic problem
involving the renin-angiotensin-aldosterone interplay....
aggravated by effects of superimposed anti-diuretic
hormone.
My appetite is good.... probably too good. One friend told
me that my face was "chubbing".... and another mentioned a
slight "moon-face". (Tough news for a vain
individual (me) who has always had to force extra
food-intake, in order to maintain his weight.)
(One of my closest friends, Willie James Lee, reminded me
recently that, "It's a lot better to have
'moon-face', than a
'prune-face'." I agree with that.)
The musculature in my arms and chest has "withered", from
relative disuse. That's pretty tough for me to look-at....
for a person who regularly indulged in planned exercise
(outdoor running, floor-exercises, indoor biking and
rowing).... every day.... for an adult lifetime.
Thanks for reading and sharing this document. Perhaps, there
will be more "progress-notes", later.
John
Todd
Progress
Note; 6/7/07
I continue to do well, all considered. Of course, the
"basic" problem with a "pathologic fracture" of the left hip
continues, but the problem seems to be quiescent, for now.
(Thank you, Lord.) The origin of the pathologic process in
the bone remains unknown.... and will be left unknown until
"autopsy".
I have no pain. Some minor stiffness in the knees, and
back.
I still use crutches, outside; and a walker, inside our
house.
My wife an I are up-and-out, every day. I am getting a good
tan, now that the sun is high-and-hot. PJT and Pearl go for
a walk.... while I read the Wall Street Journal, on
"my" bench, at the VA Hospital Campus.... a large and
lovely area.
PJT (my wife, Phyllis) gets irritated with me, from time to
time. I always remind her, in my calm and "sweet" and
patient way (smile), that she will know and
understand my "predicament", 9 years "down-the-road", when
she will get to be 79-years-old.... and as she faces her
"mortalness"
(link).
My medications are the same. No pain pills; no sedatives; no
tranquilizers, no "nerve pills".
The nights are "too long". (An old song says, "Lord, you
made the nights too long." I agree.) Sometimes, I watch the
early-morning financial news, (5-6 AM) on CNBC. Then I may
drift-off, or doze, until my human-cohort arises, at about
9:00 AM.
My appetite is still good. PJT and I "frequent" McDonalds,
Taco Casa, Zaxby's, KFC, Wendy's, and "Bottom Feeders"
(catfish, etc.).... and we bring home our selections for our
midday lunch, at 5:00 PM. Pearl goes with us, on all
of our excursons. (McDonalds gives Pearl a "Pearlburger"....
a plain hamburger, in a small sack.... every day....
free of charge. When we get out of the car, at home,
Pearl carries her hamburger-bag into the house....
"prancing-around".... galloping up-and-down the stairs....
until one of us will stop, and break-off small bites for her
to consume, as her "payment" for all her work.... guarding
and shepherding us.)
All three of us Todd's have a light supper, at about 10:00
PM.
Bedtime is 1:00 AM. After we go to bed, we watch
satellite-TV movies, for about eight minutes.... until we
are anesthetized. (There are about 60 movies, on
satellite.... all without commercials. Sometimes we find an
old "Clint Eastwood" movie that we can tolerate, for the
eight minutes.)
That's all for now.
John
Todd
Progress Note,
6/29/07
I have continued to do well, since the last "progress note",
of 6/7/07.
About two weeks ago, I had two successive days of malaise
and fatique, associated with a low-grade fever. That
"problem" quickly subsided.
I still have no pain.... anywhere.... unless i bear unusual
weight on my left hip.... the location of the "pathologic
fracture".
I still use crutches for outside walking. Inside our own
house, I feel more "secure" using my "walker".... which I
refer to as "The Moose".
John
Todd
Progress Note 7/22/07
I have had an amazingly (no... miraculously) good three
weeks, since the last Progress Note on 6/29/07. I am very
grateful to God, for His allowing my wife and me (and
"Pearl") to continue to have a good "existence".
My energy is good. My "outlok" continues to be "upbeat". My
"brain" function seems to be good.
My appetite is excessive. I consume snacks, frequently,
between meals.... and even during the night.
I still have no pain, anywhere.... so long as I bear no
excessive weight on the left leg (hip).
I had one mild episode of angina after a large meal. No
further cardiac rhythm disturbances. Respiration is
satisfactory, for my modified activities. Edema in the lower
legs continues, but is slightly improved.
Intestinal function is satisfactory. Occasional MOM. No
urinary obstructive signs. Nocturia once or twice
nightly.
My medications are the same. No pain pills, or
tranquilizers, or nerve pills, or sleeping pills. As
mentioned earlier, I have always been a "tee-totaler" (since
my "courting" days). I still do not consume alcohol, in any
form.
My wife and I are out in the car every day. We go out to a
restaurant, almost every night. I hobble into each
restaurant, on crutches. We enjoy these outings,
together.
We continue to manage our real-estate holdings (with
occasional help from our older daughter and her husband)....
and we still closely watch and direct our stock and bond
assets.
We have made two trips to Birmingham, to the "Apple Store",
during the past three weeks.
That's all for now.
Psalm 127: 1
(Moffatt) "Unless the Lord builds the house, they
labor in vain that build it. Unless the Lord
keeps the city, the watchmen waketh but in vain."
John
Todd
Progress
note 8/29/07
I am still doing well.
I have mild lumbar back discomfort, at times. No pain
elsewhere, unless i bear excessive weight on the left
hip.
My medications are the same. No pain medications or
sedatives or "nerve pills".
I am still using the "walker" (the "moose") in the house. I
use crutches (the "twins") when we go out.... to eat, or to
go into a store.
I rest well. My appetite is excellent. My wife and I and
"Pearl" go out every day for our midday meal.... and we go
out for supper (Logan's, Red Lobster, Olive Garden,
Hokkaido, Cracker Barrel, etc.) virtually every night.
No urinary obstructive manifestations. GI function is
satisfactory, with the help of occasional MOM.
The edema in the legs is much improved. I still have puffy
ankles after long standing, or prolonged sitting.
I have had two episodes of moderately severe angina
pectoris, since the last progress-note.... once while taking
a tub-bath.... and once shortly after a large meal. Each
episode lasted about twenty minutes.
No respiratory symptoms, except slight
dyspnea-on-exertion.... as would be expected with my degree
of inactivity.
I still do push-ups and sit-ups, almost every day.
I have experienced no further cardiac rhythm disturbance,
except an occasional PVC.
My psychological "outlook" is good. I am not "depressed" at
all. I do not ponder my ailments. I, like everyone else,
still hope-and-pray for a quick-and-easy demise, whenever
that event takes place.
I read a lot. I spend an hour or two, on the computer,
almost every day. I enjoy revising and supplementing my
website.... and following the number of "page-visits", hits,
searches, etc., related to my "terrific-tabs" website.
My wife and I are still actively managing our financial
assets. We follow our stock holdings closely, via the
Internet. We get a lot of help in managing our rental
property, from our daughter (MATG) and her husband,
David.
I continue to consider my well-being to be "miraculous"....
thanks to the intention of God Himself.
And.... as before, my wife remains my #1 blessing.... as she
has been for all of my adult life.
From Job 42: 2 (paraphrasing): "The plans and
purposes of God canoot be thwarted by man."
John
Todd
Progress
note 9/21/Friday/07
I am not doing as well as before.
I am now having more backache than previously. I relate this
to awkward standing and walking, related to my attempting to
favor the left leg. Also, I believe that I have exaggerated
the back-problem by doing more sit-ups and push-ups than I
should have.... thereby further straining the lumbar muscles
of the back.
In addition, I have developed what I consider to be a
distinct radicular pain, in the posterior aspect of the
right leg. This discomfort comes-and-goes.... aggravated by
prolonged sitting, especially in certain hard-back
chairs.
Thank "Goodness", i have no pain when I am sitting or lying.
I have no nocturnal pain, anywhere, unless i roll onto the
left side, during sleep.
Malaise and fatigue are moderate. I have a low-grade fever,
frequently, estimated to be in the 99 to 100 degree
range.
I have had several more episodes of angina pectoris....
usually mile to moderate.... lasting 5 to 20 minutes. No
tachyarrhythmia. No dyspnea on exertion, with my very
limited activities.
No urinary obstructive manifestations. GI function is good,
with occasional use of MOM. My appetite remains excellent,
except at "supper".... which we eat at about 9:30 PM.
My pedal edema is still much improved.
My morning weight is stable, at or near 160 pounds (the same
as my usual lifelong weight.... before the current problems
related to my injury in October 2006).
The medications are the same.... except that I have added
one "Aleve" tablet per day, usually at bedtime.
My psychological outlook remains positive. I am not
depressed. I have no fear of death.... although i do
hope-and-pray that the agonal moments will be
"quick-and-easy".
The "Love-of-My-Life" (PJT) and I still enjoy our
activities. We are currently in the process of purchasing 4
additional acres of land, contiguous with a valuable 46 acre
plot that we already own. (We previously named this 46 acre
piece of property "Kingsway".)
We are still assisted greatly by the love and support of our
older daughter and her husband.... in managing our rental
property. Our three other offspring (two males, one female)
and their spouses occasionally offer their good wishes to
us.... by telephone or email.
Our "stock-and-bond" portfolios, which we ourselves manage,
continue to do well.
Our "canine creation", "Pearl Todd" (a Sheltie), continues
to brighten our days. She is 4 years-old, unbelievably
smart, delghtfully joyful, responsive and obedient.... and
fun.
John
Todd
__________________________________________
Progress
Note 10/7/Sunday/07
Declining....
malaise, and fatigue are severe.
Anorexia has
developed.
Bedrest almost all the time.
Medicines are the same.... except I require less Lasix. I
take occasional Tylenol or Aleve for "relaxation". "Ambien",
occasionally, at late night for insomnia,
No urinary symptoms. No obstructive manifestations.
MOM almost every day for "sluggish" intestinal function.
No pain at rest or sitting. Bachache, with standing....
radicular pain in right leg with standing (frequently
severe). Left leg pain, and hip pain, with
weight-bearing.
Angina has been much more severe, and more frequent.
Enough said. I am discouraged, but not depressed. I want to
leave this world, ASAP. Hopefully God will intervene
soon.... and allow the "D-moment" to be "Q and E".
Only one of our four children has been supportive or helpful
during my dying process. I have informed the families of our
4 offspring that all of my possessions will move directly
into the ownership of my wife. There are no other
"special bequests".... for anyone. My wife has the legal
"special power of appointment", to distribute any of my
assets, her future assets, in any way she chooses.... at any
time.
I still frequently "contemplate" suicide.... but I hate, so
much, to pile all our "management" duties on PJT.... and
leave her "alone".... and I dread the moment of "pulling the
trigger". I have considered "death by dehydration".... which
is reported, by outside observers, to be calm and relatively
easy.... but slow.... taking 7 to 10 days for
"completion".
John
Todd
________________________________
Progress
Note; 11/9/07
Stable. Not perceptibly worse.
Less angina pectoris. Respiratory function OK, for my very
limited activity. Edema virtually gone. Lasix not needed. I
still take Altace.... 5 to 10 mg. per day.... and Inderal
three times a day.
GI and GU function satisfactory. Appetite good.
My only pains are in the right leg (opposite the
damaged leg).... a radicular discomfort, with walking....
plus a right lumbar backache, with standing. I relate the
backache to inactivity, and to altered weight-bearing. I
have no pain at rest.
I take occasional Aleve for "aches and pains".... plus a
bedtime "Ambien" for restlessness, if needed.
I have not seen a doctor since my visit to Dr.
Buckley, my orthopedist, in December 2006. I have not
seen my cardiologist since June 2006.
My lifelong personal Registered Nurse.... my dear wife....
still watches over me.... and assists me in countless ways.
(Of course, she and I have agreed that it is much better for
her to have a living human-being, in the house with her....
than to be left alone.... with all the responsibilities that
she will "inherit" and manage.... when the "time
comes".)
My "spiritual" feeling, still.... is that Almighty God
watches over me, and those He has "given" to me.
I will be 80 years-old in 4 months. I remain "the world's
most richly blessed human-being."
John
Todd
_________________________________________________
Progress
note, 12/5/07
About the same.
Fatigue and weakness persist.... doubtless due to
inactivity.
Appetite good. Digestion and intestinal function -- good.
Weight stable (160-162).
Moderate shortness-of-breath with exertion.
No urinary obstructive manifestations.
Pedal edema almost totally gone.
No pain.... when sitting, or when lying. Moderate backache
with standing. Right leg-pain with standing.... presumably a
radicular problem.
Medications same.
My wife continues to be my sole supporter.... plus
Pearl, of course. We get a lot of help and loving
concern from our older daughter and her husband, who live
nearby.
We rarely hear from our two sons and their wives.... who
live in Birmingham. Of course, they will rush to the help of
their mother, when the time comes.
I have learned a great deal about death-and-dying.... since
lying around for more than a year.... just waiting for for
the final moment. (I realize that I am not "in command" of
that decision.)
I am more than ready to get out of this life. Lord, have
mercy.
John
Todd
_______________________________________________________________
|